Failed Goals and Future Road Signs-Grappling with Truth

One of the goals set last year was going to Hawaii. It was actually #1 on my top ten list of goals, made during a chemo-session, sitting in an infusion chair with neighbor/friend NG. Physically traveling to Hawaii helped me realize a couple of goals this last December.

The realization of this goal also knocked off numerous other goals I had set up the day of my infusion. It marked three months out of cancer-still remission free (goal #2), helped me remember the lesson’s learned (goal #3) without breaking down and placing blame upon myself or the world for the path I’d walked, allowed me to physically step into water (goal #5), and provided me with ample opportunities to meditate and write (goal #10).  While there I went hiking (goal # 4), and found an overall balance in life (goal #9). The few goals I didn’t seem to meet last year were so trivial that I don’t even need to focus on them here, they too shall be met in there own time, at their own pace.

This post however is about Kauai. I dragged with me nine individuals-my brother (his clan of five), and (my clan of four). We stayed on the eastern side of Kauai at a place called Hayes Plantation and walked across spiritual grounds, to the edge of the ocean every morning. Yes, I saw the earth spin slowly enough to witness the sun break the horizontal plane every single morning, thanking God for the opportunity to breath that day and take in the healing from the life around me.

At some point, I even kicked off my shoes and walked across the Spiritual grounds barefoot, letting the earth radiate through me, soul first. (Yes, I intentionally wrote soul instead of sole, for doing so connected with a deep part of my soul and made me face long hidden truths.) I later learned that there is an entire movement around this. People believe that walking barefoot on the ground allows for an interchange between our chemical make up and energy and that of the earths. It is called Earthing/Grounding. 

Regardless of what it's called or what took place, the week I spent on Kauaii was definitely a cleansing one! It helped me refocus my mind and thoughts. It filled my days with a great deal of ponderings. Filled with endless wave watching of my choosing, and reading (Eckhart Tolle’s A New Awakening: Finding One’s Life Purpose), I felt as though every present moment I spent being on that island imprinted upon me a new understanding. I came to set new goals on the last day of the trip- goals that are not as tangible as before, goals I would be honored to share with you.  The list was narrowed from ten to three and the list is less manifest than before. I don’t need any given destination to realize it. I don’t need any tangible experience to mark it as met or not. I just need to be! I need to be aware and refocus on them daily.

These goals are more like road signs I plan to recognize this year to help me stay grounded and walking this path I’m on:

1.     To recognize that each moment (both good and bad) is fleeting-to actually avoid from labeling them as good or bad for those terms are man made manifestations that only tarnish any given experience.

2.     To stay in the moment, savoring every moment as one does the sweetest of desserts or the sourest of lemonades.

3.     And, (drum roll please) to look forward with what I can do instead of what I can’t.

How have I done so far? (So glad you were wondering…)

I failed miserably. I fell flat on my face last week, allowed man made perceptions to cloud goal number one and pummeled myself nose first into breaking goal number 3. I became a ball of jelly, forgetting the calm Hawaii had brought on, and actually regressing from where I’d been a month before Hawaii. How did I pull myself out of it? (That post is yet to be written, but includes a Sensei of the Soul and an experience of a lifetime-so stay tuned.)

I’ve learned since December important life lessons though. I’ve learned that goals aren’t goals unless one attempts to reach them, they aren’t meant to be on a shelf like a trophy once achieved, they are meant to be grappled with tasted, broken apart, lived… They are meant to be experienced, reevaluated, and morphed into new road maps. So, my friends- I leave you with this, have you tripped over your New Year’s Resolutions? Have you fallen flat on your face? Have you stood confused at the doorway of a labyrinth you're too afraid to tackle? 

No worries, it’s normal. None of us want to fail or feel as though we aren't able to tackle a challenge. So, I urge you-don't dally at the entryway too long. Pick yourself up, dust off the goal, refocus on it and figure out what you need to change today to make that goal a reality. Let the changes be simple enough for you to implement, be it a reminder on your cell phone that goes off daily and helps you pause and appreciate three positives in your life that day/moment. Or, be it the calendar on which you slot out an hour to yourself and refuse to erase the commitment because focussing on yourself is as important as anything else. 

Ultimately, the choice is yours. You have the power to stay or walk in, to cry or to thrive. To tell yourself you "can" and believe it. Dive in, don’t wait. Let every moment count for every moment is fleeting and live the life you’ve been dreaming about without fear or trepidation, just be who you were meant to be and everything else will catch up to meet you where you are now!

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Till next time, go live, thrive, have fun, and do great things!