My nine year old has an old soul. He hides it though and uses jokes to protect himself. We read together, watch old movies, and talk about topics that a nine-year-old should not be thinking about.
Our recent adventures are found in "The Wonderful Wizard of Oz," by Frank Baum. He stopped me last week when we discovered that Oz was a fake and asked, "Why don't they see it mom? Why don't they see that they already possess everything they are looking for?"
"What do you mean, my love?" I asked
"Well, the lion keeps looking for courage, but he's had it all along."
He paused, then continued, "It's like you, when you were in the hospital, you forgot that you had courage. You were the lion!"
I gasped.
"Talking about my stay in the hospital, what happened to you? You'd come and cower in the corner behind your I-Pad, you wouldn't look at me or talk to me."
"I looked," he said.
"But when our eyes met, you..."
"I couldn't stand seeing you like that, you'd forgotten who you were. You had lost your heart, brain, and courage," he said.
I sighed.
"Then what changed?" I asked.
"Love," he said. "I think love brought you back. Our family wouldn't let you give up, just like love and family is going to help the Tin Man, Lion, Scarecrow, and Dorothy figure out that they are filled with strength and power too."
Moments like these, I feel invincible. I feel as though I can soar forever, that I will live and thrive and see my boys turn into amazing young men.
But the pendulum is just that, a pendulum. It swings from one extreme to the other.
Sometimes, when least expected, The Dark Demon descends. He's always lurking, behind the happiness. He stands in the shadows and waits for doubt to settle in. He talks to me in the silence- "You should have died years ago. This time, it's for certain. You are not needed on this planet. You are the weak link."
"Leave me alone," I threaten. He listens and recedes temporarily, hovering just out of reach, waiting.
Hours after reading with Ely, I went onto the Livestrong site to respond to some of the comments left there. A stranger had responded saying, "My wife was a fighter too. She was diagnosed at 33 and fought for six years before I lost my best friend forever."
The Dark Demon emerged then. He curled his claws around my heart, "I told you that your days were numbered. Fight, go ahead, but in the end, you will lose. Just as others before you have lost and have been forgotten, you too will disappear into the mist. You won't see your boys grow up, you'll miss their graduations, weddings, and most deffinitely you won't hold any grandchildren."
"Leave me alone," I beseeched, "You're wrong. People don't just disappear. I've held Nonnie Korten- grant writer, educator, the seed that started the Food Network-in my soul since her passing to a brain tumor over ten years ago. Every time I wrote a grant, it was Nonnie fueling me forward. I've honored Ruth Ellen Anker-educator, grant writer, mentor-every time I've embraced a new teacher and made them feel welcome, just as she would have done. We aren't just pawns. We impact each other, we create ripples and I'm sure I must have created a few along my path."
I needed a distraction. Ely had run off to play with Harmon and I needed to change my train of thought. I flipped my Mac open and logged into my Google account, there waiting for me was an e-mail from one of my previous students. Tears welled up in my eyes and I cried for a good twenty minutes, shaking at the mere fact that she was giving back monumentally. "Currently, I'm working a medical laboratory, but I remember vividly the life lessons we learned in 4th grade and i just wanted to tell you that I want to be a pediatric oncologist," she'd said. "I want to change lives!"
I was taken back in time to when I had her, to when we'd started becoming life-long-learners, sowing seeds of hope, working to change lives. I knew just then that even if tomorrow was my last day on Earth there were enough seeds out there that would continue to make this world a beautiful place, from the Philippines to Berkley and beyond my babies were thriving, changing lives, inspiring...
"So there, Dark Demon," I said as strength and courage refilled my soul with newfound vigor, "So there! The courage of the Lion resides within me and I know that we are all interconnected. We don't just vanish, we aren't simply forgotten, we live on in the hearts and souls of those we come into contact with."
Thank you for following along. If you would like to subscribe and haven't yet done so, click the Subscribe button above and enter your e-mail address. You aren't done though until you prove that you aren't an electronic device. You must reenter the slanted letters and hit enter again until you receive a response thanking you for your subscription. Subscribers will receive the blog 24 hours before it is shared via social media. Feel free to share it with whomever you choose at this point.
Likewise, if you would like to support this project and hear updates regarding the progress of the book (which is now 5/8th of the way done as are the chemo treatments, please join the "Eight Faces of Cancer" Facebook Group:
https://www.facebook.com/groups/192340981278708/
You can also follow me on Twitter: https://twitter.com/myaniki
Our recent adventures are found in "The Wonderful Wizard of Oz," by Frank Baum. He stopped me last week when we discovered that Oz was a fake and asked, "Why don't they see it mom? Why don't they see that they already possess everything they are looking for?"
"What do you mean, my love?" I asked
"Well, the lion keeps looking for courage, but he's had it all along."
He paused, then continued, "It's like you, when you were in the hospital, you forgot that you had courage. You were the lion!"
I gasped.
"Talking about my stay in the hospital, what happened to you? You'd come and cower in the corner behind your I-Pad, you wouldn't look at me or talk to me."
"I looked," he said.
"But when our eyes met, you..."
"I couldn't stand seeing you like that, you'd forgotten who you were. You had lost your heart, brain, and courage," he said.
I sighed.
"Then what changed?" I asked.
"Love," he said. "I think love brought you back. Our family wouldn't let you give up, just like love and family is going to help the Tin Man, Lion, Scarecrow, and Dorothy figure out that they are filled with strength and power too."
Moments like these, I feel invincible. I feel as though I can soar forever, that I will live and thrive and see my boys turn into amazing young men.
But the pendulum is just that, a pendulum. It swings from one extreme to the other.
Sometimes, when least expected, The Dark Demon descends. He's always lurking, behind the happiness. He stands in the shadows and waits for doubt to settle in. He talks to me in the silence- "You should have died years ago. This time, it's for certain. You are not needed on this planet. You are the weak link."
"Leave me alone," I threaten. He listens and recedes temporarily, hovering just out of reach, waiting.Hours after reading with Ely, I went onto the Livestrong site to respond to some of the comments left there. A stranger had responded saying, "My wife was a fighter too. She was diagnosed at 33 and fought for six years before I lost my best friend forever."
The Dark Demon emerged then. He curled his claws around my heart, "I told you that your days were numbered. Fight, go ahead, but in the end, you will lose. Just as others before you have lost and have been forgotten, you too will disappear into the mist. You won't see your boys grow up, you'll miss their graduations, weddings, and most deffinitely you won't hold any grandchildren."
"Leave me alone," I beseeched, "You're wrong. People don't just disappear. I've held Nonnie Korten- grant writer, educator, the seed that started the Food Network-in my soul since her passing to a brain tumor over ten years ago. Every time I wrote a grant, it was Nonnie fueling me forward. I've honored Ruth Ellen Anker-educator, grant writer, mentor-every time I've embraced a new teacher and made them feel welcome, just as she would have done. We aren't just pawns. We impact each other, we create ripples and I'm sure I must have created a few along my path."
I needed a distraction. Ely had run off to play with Harmon and I needed to change my train of thought. I flipped my Mac open and logged into my Google account, there waiting for me was an e-mail from one of my previous students. Tears welled up in my eyes and I cried for a good twenty minutes, shaking at the mere fact that she was giving back monumentally. "Currently, I'm working a medical laboratory, but I remember vividly the life lessons we learned in 4th grade and i just wanted to tell you that I want to be a pediatric oncologist," she'd said. "I want to change lives!"
I was taken back in time to when I had her, to when we'd started becoming life-long-learners, sowing seeds of hope, working to change lives. I knew just then that even if tomorrow was my last day on Earth there were enough seeds out there that would continue to make this world a beautiful place, from the Philippines to Berkley and beyond my babies were thriving, changing lives, inspiring..."So there, Dark Demon," I said as strength and courage refilled my soul with newfound vigor, "So there! The courage of the Lion resides within me and I know that we are all interconnected. We don't just vanish, we aren't simply forgotten, we live on in the hearts and souls of those we come into contact with."
_________________________________________________________________________________
Thank you for following along. If you would like to subscribe and haven't yet done so, click the Subscribe button above and enter your e-mail address. You aren't done though until you prove that you aren't an electronic device. You must reenter the slanted letters and hit enter again until you receive a response thanking you for your subscription. Subscribers will receive the blog 24 hours before it is shared via social media. Feel free to share it with whomever you choose at this point.
Likewise, if you would like to support this project and hear updates regarding the progress of the book (which is now 5/8th of the way done as are the chemo treatments, please join the "Eight Faces of Cancer" Facebook Group:
https://www.facebook.com/groups/192340981278708/
You can also follow me on Twitter: https://twitter.com/myaniki
Till next week, go, live, thrive, have fun and do great things!
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