June 26th is anther one of those days which resonates in volumes, at least for me. It goes up there with September 11th, December 25th, and January 1st. Year in and year out, each of these days mark a day in which short term memories have transformed into long term ones. We all have similar days, our birthdays, the day our children were born, the day a friend/parent died.
I remember numerous June 26ths, some quite fondly for it is the day I married the love of my life. Nineteen years ago today, we became a team, for better or for worse, he became the Yin to my Yang.
Somewhere in between 1999 and 2017 the whirling of life picked us up and tousled us about. Some anniversaries were marked by dinners and presents, especially the first few while others slipped from memory like a dream. Ryan was as guilty of this as I. Within the comfortable walls of our relationship, marking days became irrelevant, unnecessary.
Until June 26th, 2017 left us no option. Last June 26th was the day of my last chemotherapy session. I found it strangely ironic. The minute the doctor set the date I could't decide whether it was a good thing or a bad thing, whether I should change it or go with it. Finally I decided not to mess with fate, to allow life to unfold the way it intended.
And on that day, the love of my life pulled me out of my darkness. He grasped my hand and said, “Remember our wedding?” I couldn't focus on the poison entering my arm, the steel sharp numbness spreading, because my full attention rested on him.
The rest of our chemotherapy session was submerged in similar revelry. We thought back to different adventurous experiences. We laughed, we cried. We did it all, together.
As the months crept up to June of 2018, I wasn't sure how I wanted to mark the completion of my first year since the Chemo ended and our nineteenth anniversary was coming upon us. In March and April, I paused to think about it, but as the days slipped away, life decided for us.
Our eldest was invited to spend nine days at an Engineering Leadership Conference at UC Berkley during this time we chose not to return to Los Angeles. We let life push us northward to Trinidad, CA to a woman who runs an Air B and B and shares endless love with her guests. We chose to focus on the present instead of dwelling in the past or worrying about the future. Had we returned to Los Angeles, thoughts of last year would have clouded the moment. Had we hovered near Berkley, fears of the future and seeing our eldest leave us to go to college would have darkened our doorstep, but instead we chose to make the present a true present!
So, today, nineteen years after our union I sit in endless folds of love and am content with where life has brought us. The path has been smooth at times and rocky at others, but when you get down to it, isn't that how it always goes?
It isn't up to us to always make it smooth or dwell in depression when it's not. It is up to us to allow each present moment to blossom like a flower and draw from it what we can, to view each moment as just that, a fleeting one, one that we can get through and attempt to learn from and use each to recreate who and what were are supposed to be.
So for all of you out there, wondering about the moments in your life, the best strategy I've discovered is to simply sit with it. To give it no judgement, but simply to watch it unfold as one does the rolling waves. Thank you for following along on this journey. Stay tuned for next month, we'll be exploring Scotland and that blog will definitely feature Reiki Master, Magical Mary and the amazing Health Coach, Liza Baker.
I remember numerous June 26ths, some quite fondly for it is the day I married the love of my life. Nineteen years ago today, we became a team, for better or for worse, he became the Yin to my Yang.
Somewhere in between 1999 and 2017 the whirling of life picked us up and tousled us about. Some anniversaries were marked by dinners and presents, especially the first few while others slipped from memory like a dream. Ryan was as guilty of this as I. Within the comfortable walls of our relationship, marking days became irrelevant, unnecessary.
Until June 26th, 2017 left us no option. Last June 26th was the day of my last chemotherapy session. I found it strangely ironic. The minute the doctor set the date I could't decide whether it was a good thing or a bad thing, whether I should change it or go with it. Finally I decided not to mess with fate, to allow life to unfold the way it intended.
And on that day, the love of my life pulled me out of my darkness. He grasped my hand and said, “Remember our wedding?” I couldn't focus on the poison entering my arm, the steel sharp numbness spreading, because my full attention rested on him.
I grinned, “As if it were yesterday. Your cousins came packed, they were terrified they were going to die in Los Angeles that weekend. So, being cops and firefighters and making the trek from a small town to the big city, they carried their protection with them.”
“And you and your family excluded us from the morning rituals. I’m a Historian, I wanted to see what all the Armenian women and men were doing in your house all morning,” he said.
“You wanted to see me running around the house with my slip and underwear on panicking over the tiniest of things?” I asked.
“Most definitely!” He exclaimed in a deeper tone.
Even now, eighteen years after our marriage, this man of mine could make me blush. I glanced away checking to see if anybody was eavesdropping on our conversation.
“Then came the whole absent maid-of-honor…”
“She showed up, a bit late, but she did show up to the party,” Ryan said, defending her. My man definitely saw all sides of a situation, at all times. “Her dress was ripped, she couldn’t have come in her slip and robe, could she?”
I huffed.
“I was glad when the church ceremony was over though, it’s hard not understanding anything the priest says.”
“If it makes you feel any better, I didn’t understand much either. An Armenian Orthodox Church ceremony is hard to understand, the chanting, the old proper Armenian… I’m sorry.”
“Stop apologizing, you’ve done that a lot in the last 18 years, I’m about to start charging you a quarter every time you apologize and since you aren’t working, this is going to get quite expensive rather quickly,” he cautioned.
I giggled. I loved the new Ryan, the hopeful one… This new Ryan is almost unrecognizable from the one who found out I had cancer, from the one who saw my diagnosis as an end instead of a transformation. “I was so weak then, I did what everybody else wanted,” I explained. “My family wanted a church wedding, so we had a church wedding. They wanted it in Armenian, thus we had it in Armenian. They wanted a full Armenian spread; we gave them a full Armenian spread.”
“Always the pleaser, aren’t you?” he asked.
“Not always, I figured they’d seen me grow for over twenty years and deserved all that. I wanted an adventure, I wanted Europe for two months, traveling and exploring the unknown, and that’s something you've given me.”
The rest of our chemotherapy session was submerged in similar revelry. We thought back to different adventurous experiences. We laughed, we cried. We did it all, together.
As the months crept up to June of 2018, I wasn't sure how I wanted to mark the completion of my first year since the Chemo ended and our nineteenth anniversary was coming upon us. In March and April, I paused to think about it, but as the days slipped away, life decided for us.
Our eldest was invited to spend nine days at an Engineering Leadership Conference at UC Berkley during this time we chose not to return to Los Angeles. We let life push us northward to Trinidad, CA to a woman who runs an Air B and B and shares endless love with her guests. We chose to focus on the present instead of dwelling in the past or worrying about the future. Had we returned to Los Angeles, thoughts of last year would have clouded the moment. Had we hovered near Berkley, fears of the future and seeing our eldest leave us to go to college would have darkened our doorstep, but instead we chose to make the present a true present!
So, today, nineteen years after our union I sit in endless folds of love and am content with where life has brought us. The path has been smooth at times and rocky at others, but when you get down to it, isn't that how it always goes?
It isn't up to us to always make it smooth or dwell in depression when it's not. It is up to us to allow each present moment to blossom like a flower and draw from it what we can, to view each moment as just that, a fleeting one, one that we can get through and attempt to learn from and use each to recreate who and what were are supposed to be.
So for all of you out there, wondering about the moments in your life, the best strategy I've discovered is to simply sit with it. To give it no judgement, but simply to watch it unfold as one does the rolling waves. Thank you for following along on this journey. Stay tuned for next month, we'll be exploring Scotland and that blog will definitely feature Reiki Master, Magical Mary and the amazing Health Coach, Liza Baker.
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